Adam Where Are You?
That question was asked by God Himself in one of the Bible’s earliest recorded conversations with man. This question is today directed to all men, especially we Christian men. A lot has been said about the boy child, whose future is somewhat compromised by, ironically, the focus on the girl child and women’s issues. This is not an attempt at downplaying women’s suffrage, no. In a major response to this long standing social imbalance it can be argued that the media, policy makers and society as a whole has probably shifted focus across the gender divide and ignored the boy child. This, in my humble view, portends a bigger crisis than the first due to the following deposition.
The boy child fiasco is society’s problem that cannot be fully understood unless it is contextualized. My perception is that the boy child issue is a constituent part of the larger manhood crisis. While the boy’s issues will manifest a little later, the underpinning cause is embodied in what his father is going through right now. Men are far much different from women and this is a reality we are beginning to acknowledge. Marriage counselors and teaching pastors have begun to emphasize these differences as emerging from God’s purpose in creation. Man’s perceived dominance masks his needs. It is assumed that he has his way anyway. So my question begs, why does a man sit in the pub from 5pm till midnight, then stagger home in a drunken stupor? At what point did he give up being the hero of the family, the direction giver, protector and teacher of his own household? Why is the woman today left making all decisions and doing his share of the work, up to and including raising his sons? For as long as they are toddlers, they are safe with their mother. At some point in their development they will need the male role model. I am driven to think that men are more femininely dressed these days due to lack of adequate male influence during childhood.
In light of the aforementioned, some activists have quickly whipped up outfits like Maendeleo ya Wanaume, which is a comical shadow of the great women’s movement that has revolutionized banking, immigration and property ownership matters in favor of women, to name a few. But that dissenting voice must not be ignored else we will have tipped the scales and let the man and the boy slide right out the window. The media, and its peculiar focus on what makes news, has ingrained stereotyped thinking in the mind of society. Try and answer these questions honestly: Can a male be raped? Is there rape in marriage?
Still on stereotypes, a boy is not expected to cry because ‘men don’t cry.’ It takes a sensitive society to acknowledge that although his tears may not show, he bleeds internally. This is far much more dangerous because the damage incurred may never be noticed until too late. We hear of wife beating but cannot comprehend that there are also serious cases of husband beating. ‘Male victim of domestic violence’ sounds like a misnomer. I cannot even begin to enumerate the impact that would have on the poor man’s sons. Some sayings are nothing short of disparaging remarks at manhood and a common one goes: Educate-a-man-and-waste-your-money, educate a-girl-and-you’ve-educated-a-village.
The role of the man in a healthy society must not be ignored, even when he cannot or will not fulfill his obligations. It must be accorded the status of a high office that is charged with several responsibilities. The failure in society does not in any way rest with the government but with the institution that must define society, namely the family unit. This is, in the Bible’s prescription, headed by none other than the man. He can be aptly described as the hub on which the wheel turns. The man is responsible for providing leadership, direction, order, strength and discipline.
Society must answer these questions. Why are we churning out an army of single women? Who is going to be the father and father-figure of those children born into difficult circumstances? Of course not everyone raised by a single mother is going to turn out problematic, but our current scenario is still a deviation from the norm. The norm which is two adults, male and female, providing parenting function to children. Sadly, one is frequently missing.
Adam, where are you? Society must answer this question, and loudest in response must be the church, the pillar of Christian rectitude. I write to you, not sitting on a high pedestal of moral perfection and supremacy, but as one plagued with this question at a personal level.
Yes, I ask myself, “Adem, where are you?”
ademite 